Myfeelingsandthoughts

Why does she always have to think that I’m lying? It’s so fucking annoying that she thinks that I’m lying. I’m SO not!

It’s not fun to be allergic to almost all of the fruits, and pollen, and to have stomach problems.

Why would I fake that I have problem with my stomach? Why would anybody do that?

Lately my stomach has been hurting really much, maybe it’s because of my period but maybe it just is.

I would never try to lie about my stomach problem, why would she even think I would?! And why would I use it to get away or what ever she means. WHY?!

Right now I hate my life, why do they always have to think that I’m lying, can’t they just trust me for once? It’s all I’m asking for. TRUST ME!

I want to hurt them, I want to hurt myself, I want to end everything but just for a minute, just for one whole minute, then I want to go back!

I’M NOT LYING! SO STOP THINKING THAT I AM! PLEASE!

I hate him! He is so… ugh! I just want to squeeze his head until it explodes but still I really don’t. I just feel sad that he know me so well that he knows the right point where he can manipulate me. I feel sad, but still angry, but not really angry, I feel disappointed in him for doing it to me. Why is he always doing it to me? Doesn’t he get that it hurts when he does that. Doesn’t he understand that it hurt so much that I hurt him or throw food at him nor do something else… stupid! Doesn’t he get that I have to do something at him and every time I do, I always get the blame from others, it’s never his fault! Why?!

Ugh… I actually feel better letting everything out. Huh… Maybe I should say sorry, I did actually throw food at him. Yeah, I think I’m going to say sorry. No, wait, he hurt me! He should beg me for forgiveness! Yeah, that’s right, he should beg me not the other way around!

Bye you guys, hope that next time I can write something more pleasant for you to read. But still, I just hope!

Ever felt like an outsider? I feel like one almost every day. When I talk to somebody it’s like they don’t hear me, am I not talking about stuff that they like or what is it. And it definitely doesn’t help that my brother gives the meanest comments on me, for example, “God, can’t you talk about anything funnier?” or “Shit Kim, what you are talking, nobody isn’t even listening”. Do you think that’s nice to say to your own sister? Well I don’t, especially when the guy who I like and who I’m talking to says “You said exactly what I thought”. I don’t really like anyone of them, well, I will always LOVE my brother, even if he is mean sometimes, but he is FAMILY so, what can you do? You don’t really choose your own family, or do you? But my feelings for the guy (I’m not mentioning any names :P) have changed a bit, I just can’t stop thinking about him because of his face and his body… it’s so nice to look at! But when I’m with him, I don’t really feel appreciated, I don’t feel like he notice me at all! All he wants to talk about is FOOTBALL!

It feels like nobody even notice that I actually speak and have an opinion. Today was the first time I thought that maybe I should kill myself, maybe then they would notice me, or if I die they don’t really notice me, will they even miss me? Maybe just an attempt of doing suicide is best?! But that feeling is WAY oven now :P I’m not going to kill myself, I just felt it at the moment, but I never ever think that I will go through with it! I’m going to be an author when I grow up and that I do want to be in life to do/see/feel!

Anyway, what should I talk about? What is it that they hear when I’m opening my mouth? Do they hear anything? Why do they get angry when I talk? Do I say anything wrong or mean that I don’t even notice?

Sometimes I just say what’s on my mind, maybe that’s the problem! Or is it? I can agree with that maybe not all the stuff that I say is nice but at least I’m honest, why aren’t them?

Have a good sleep, got to go now… got school tomorrow. Sleep tight!

I have a total of two blogs, but since my parents read the other blog I don’t really think that I can write this kind of stuff there. So this blog is all about me and my feelings and of course… my thoughts.